In mid-sleep, the thoughts come.
At 2:50 AM, the restless, sleep-grabbing thoughts are insoluble and germinate as quickly as the toxic toadstools growing in the gloom outside our window. We are reminded that we made a mistake. A big mistake. And at this time of night, any mistake will do. Make that plural. Mistakes.
We are beyond help. Solutions simply seem out of grasp. Our consciences are not feeling good right now. Guilt grips us. We screwed up.
The dizzying roller-coaster thoughts grow and intensify. There’s no way to get off.
The thoughts remain in the dark, haunting us like winged gargoyle carvings, and sleep escapes.
By 5 AM wakeup time, we are mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. The experience threatens to stay with us.
Reason returns by daylight, or at least it’s supposed to. But sometimes kindred crazy thoughts plague us again the next night. And the next night, and they seem just as real.
But we don’t deserve this. Although it all seems so real, this is not ultimate reality.
Ultimately reality is best viewed looking down, rather than from the bottom up. Cynical thoughts lose out to what the Almighty thinks of a life lived in his presence:
You are loved and cherished.
You have nothing to fear.
There is nothing you can do wrong.*
(A quote from a neuroscientist who returned to life after visiting heaven, his brain having ceased all cognizant functioning.)