Most of us will remember the recent iPhone 4 pre-release debacle that transpired when an Apple company employee lost the new, not-yet-released phone in a bar he frequented, and it was discovered by the media.
Now the fiasco has recurred. This time, I am the one who discovered Apple’s latest top-secret not-yet-released gadget, mounted on the back of a bicycle.
This latest hi-tech wonder by Apple is apparently designed to help meet the needs of the non-techie-minded public. The device appears to be a technological step backward. They have created an alternative to having e-mail delivered to a computer’s digital mailbox: a silver-colored physical mailbox, in this case, attached to a bicycle.
The device actually converts e-mails sent from a computer into a physical letter that is delivered into the aluminum mailbox.
Thanks to this creation, the geek-fearing souls among us need no longer suffer the embarrassment of showing their limited e-mail skills. Apple’s newest common-man’s e-mail conversion technology forever removes the customer’s need to climb the exotic digital-expertise ladder. Apple has found a way to convert e-mails into an old-fashioned physical letter and deliver it into the new, fashionable shiny silver mailbox, which can be mounted anywhere: attached to a bicycle, glued to the hood of a fancy Ford Mustang, or pack-mounted on the back of a miniature schnauzer.
I had to see this secretive device in action with my own eyes. As I stared at the contraption, I heard a distinct whirring sound from within it. What luck! Apparently, a piece of reconstituted e-mail was just then arriving! What an opportunity to break into Apple’s newest product and retrieve this digital e-mail that would be magically transformed to hardcopy letter!
With the bicycle’s owner nowhere to be seen, I stealthily crept toward it. Slowly and gingerly, I drew down the mailbox’s handle, breaching Apple’s high-tech security system.
There, before my eyes, I beheld a message that was still in the process of reverse-engineering. An e-mail avatar faintly appeared, then faded before my gaze. In its place materialized, first as an apparition, then as a reverse-engineered hard-copy, a reincarnation of the original digital message:
“Barry, thanks for your good e-mail late last night. I knew we had been out-of-touch, but it was so good to hear or your wanting to come back on the Winning Side.
“It’s incredibly hard being a mortal, and it’s sometimes hard for even me to imagine. Challenges and defeats often come before victory. Always remember that. Last night, when you connected with me, that was your victory.
“The other hard thing for me to remember is that people don’t easily forget their errors, even once they get on the Winning Side. The thing is, I do forget all those errors—I promise that I do! I know that’s hard for you to fathom.
“So, because of my memory loss, could you shoot me the topic of your defeat to remind me again what this was all about?
“On second thought, never mind—I still won’t remember, whether I get it by e-mail or hard copy. I totally forget everything that you’ve set aright with me.
“Thanks again for trying to be all that you can be. You haven’t disappointed me. I’m eager to see the next chapter.”
Sincerely,
Your father, God